


Morning mushies

by Eshisakka



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: "Evan you need sleep!", And it's bad, Anxiety, But for now they'll be emotional saps and sleep on it cause Evan doesn't sleep, But they still've got things to work out, Comfort, Cuddling, Domestic, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I say to a fictional character at 5 am, Lowkey self projecting, M/M, Morning, Mornings, Sleepiness, Snuggling, morning fluff, they're already boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshisakka/pseuds/Eshisakka
Summary: Evan's tired and emotional. Connor's a sap, and emotional. I'm a tired emotional sap cause i'm writing this instead of sleeping. There's crying. Also, needless to say, I suck at summaries. Help.





	Morning mushies

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this like more than a month ago. Continued with the rest of the like 2.5 pages tonight. So yeah, the crying scene was written while i'm sleep deprived. I apparently can't think when I am. 
> 
> So yeah, this started from me self projecting my unability to function in the mornings when the most sleep i've gotten is like, 30 mins, onto Evan. And i'm rambly at night so I think it escalated cause of that. So yeah. I'm sorry. This is probably terrible but I can't think right now. Sorry.

When Connor woke up in an empty bed this morning and groggily went down the stairs to find his boyfriend and eat breakfast, he didn’t know what he was expecting.

But it certainly wasn’t this.

As he turned around the corner to make his way to the kitchen, he stopped in the doorway to stare at a boy. Who was standing still as well. And staring... At a wall, to be exact. Blinking a few times, he finally started to approach Evan who he now realised was swaying ever so slightly on his feet. He took a tentative breath. “Ev?”

Evan didn’t respond for a moment, so he tilted his head, brows farrowing in concern and confusion, lips parting to repeat himself. Maybe he hadn’t heard him. But he found them hanging open with no sound coming out when Evan finally seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in as he straightened a bit and let out a quiet “huh?” and slowly turned to look at Connor. When he did, a tired smile settled on his lips. The words he uttered very well could have been lost to some other person who wasn’t as used to his stuttering and fast talking and the familiarity of the phrase, as his voice was barely audible and very sloppy and kinda raspy and thick sounding. It reminded Connor of Ev’s usual morning voice, just a bigger case of that, so Connor got it easily enough. “Oh. Hey Con.”

Connor took a step forward, a hesitant but somewhat relieved smile on his lips when it didn’t turn out that the other boy was standing there silently crying or something, cause, honestly, it has happened before. “Mornin’, Ev.” Something still seemed off tho. “Are you alright?” Evan seemed confused, or more confused than before for a moment as he silently worked his mouth a few times without letting out a real sound. “Y-yeah?” he didn’t seem too nervous tho, he didn’t even fidget or anything, so that was good at least. Although it was admittedly… strange, for a lack of a better word. Connor felt uneased.

That was when Evan decided to move. “D-do you want... uh, tea, or something?” he said to Connor, voice a bit clearer this time. Connor shook his head lightly as he still watched Evan slowly move across the room. “I’m good.” Evan hummed a bit in response. “I’ll just make some for me, then.” His words were close to a murmur this time, and it’s pitch raising higher at the end, voice a bit breathy. Then he proceeded to walk across the room until he stopped at the middle of the connected living room he seemed to mindlessly walk into. He blinked a few times, looked around, then came back to the kitchen and it’s counters, where Connor was still standing, careful and worried eyes never leaving Evan.

When Evan had started looking through the tea boxes, movements for once looking quite the opposite of the stiff and wound up and anxiously twitching limbs he usually had, Connor gently took one of the clumsy hands in his own and tilted a bit downward to easier catch his glance. “Hey, seriously, you seem very out of it today. How much sleep did you get, Evan?“ he didn’t even try to hide the concern in his voice.

Evan, by that time, had stopped attempting to choose a tea from the wide collection Heidi was responsible of, and instead had let his free hand rest limply on the surface of the counter. He said nothing for a few long seconds, instead drooping himself over, supporting his head by his hand that now rested in his messy hair, his eyes closed. He seemed so, so tired. Connor was almost sure he had fallen asleep standing, when he decided to mutter quietly. “not much.”

Connor sighed, leaning himself over the countertop as well, elbows resting against it’s surface, and tilting his head further to look at the other. “Obviously not, Evan.” Although his words could be seen as accusatory, his voice was soft, tone almost fond, and obviously worried. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

It was then Evans turn to sigh, and he slumped even more, his left hand slipping out of Connor’s and rising in his face. He rubbed at his eyes and around them almost agrissively, as if trying to rub his exhaustion out, and maybe also something else. “I-I just...” his voice cracked slightly and he stopped for a moment to gulp and collect his thoughts. He let his hands simply support his head as he stared down at the scratched glazed wood countertop, not meeting Connor’s gaze, which was still fixed on him. “...re-remember how it was a... a-a bad day, y-yesterday...?” his eyes nervously landed on his boyfriend for only a split second, but it was enough to see the nod, if the approving hum wasn’t enough. He was quiet for a moment, a moment in which he contemplated how Connor didn’t need to be wasting his time like this, trying to get useless information out of Evan, so he shook his head slightly. “nevermind, it’s stupid.” It came out rushed and wheeze-like.

But Connor immediately leaned closer and took one of Evan’s hands again, prying the fingers out of his hair gently as he met his eyes. “It’s not stupid if it made you loose sleep like this, Ev. I’ve told you this, dr. Sherman has told you this, Heidi has told you this – however irrational the thing seems, if it bothers you, it matters.” He smiled slightly, almost abashedly, at his next words. “I mean, if anyone gets getting worked up over little shit it’s probably me. I’m literary paranoid.”

Evan stared at Connor for a moment, noting the masked fear he could recognise in the way his pupils and jaw twitched ever so slightly, in how his brows were raised and hand around his tense ever so slightly, details he noticed only cause he’s gotten to know Connor better than many others, and he chose to finally flash an unstable smile before taking a shuddering breath and looking away again.”S-sorry- I- um... d-do you remember what you said last night...? R-right before we-you fell asleep.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Connor stiffen. The thumb that was previously rubbing mindless circles on the knuckle of his own stilled, and he wished it didn’t, cause it was comforting, and he willed himself not to look at Connor’s expression right now, cause he literary just said he was paranoid and now he was doing this shit, and while comforting Connor that it wasn’t anything bad is the thing he wants to do most right now, if he turned around he would start freaking out, and that would mean that they would both be freaking out, and that’s really not good, and dr. Sherman says that rambling and straying from the point while in confrontation is really not either, so he should stop freaking out and fucking do something, damn it Evan, _why are you so fucking useless-_

“NO, no, nono-“ however, Evan stopped his senseless muttering when he noticed Connor’s hand slipping out of his, and he reached back for it almost in panic, looking up to see Connor’s puzzled and scared expression. “-No! I mean, I-I’m not like, I don’t- what you said wasn’t wrong, I- but- I just-“ his breathing started going out of control as he scrambled for the words to explain it. Connor had stilled, still very much staring at him defeatedly, like he was preparing for heartbreak, but not backing away anymore. “I- I just m-mean, I wasn’t- prepared, I was s-surprised, a-and I do, too, _I love you_ , I t-think I’ve loved you for a while now, I just didn’t- I wasn’t sure if y-you did, too, cause, l-like, that’s a big thing, and I’m m-me, so when you said t-that you- did, I just started, overthinking, about what this m-means, if- and I just- started thinking if you truly w-wanted that, o-or rather _needed_ that, cause I’m a _mess_ , and just, h-how could you-“

Evan finally sucked in a sharp and shaky breath when familiar arms wrapped around him, and he only noticed he was tearing up when he had automatically buried his face in Connor’s shoulder. He tried to focus on the hands gently petting his hair, and the voice that was soothingly shushing him to ground himself and calm his breathing.

After what felt like a way too long minute of that and Connor’s comforting words, Evan had calmed down and now was left only more exhausted than before and slightly still shaking. Connor spoke up, voice unbelievably soft. “Evan. I’m a mess, too. You know that. There’s a shit load of reasons I love you, but most importantly I love you cause you are _you_. That includes the messy parts. There’s no ‘ _should I love you_ ’. I just do.”

He pulled away for a moment to shoot at Evan a tearful grin. “Although, I definitely should, cause I’ve got a full mental list of reasons if you need convincing.”

Evan laughed weakly, but genuinely. “w-what, you’ve incremented a full list of reasons you- you l-love me in your brain?”

Connor grinned. “Yup. You better believe it.” Evan couldn’t help blushing (even more) at that.

Their conversation was interrupted by a yawn.

Connor looked at Evans scrunched up face fondly, turning him towards the direction of the couch when his mouth closed. “C’mon. We should skip today. You’re way too sleepy for school.” He looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. “Plus, first period starts in 5 minutes, so we’d be late anyway.”

Evan didn’t resist as the other pushed him forwards and simply climbed in the couch and bundled in a ball when he reached the soft furniture. “Yeah, okay, t-that sounds good.”

Connor raised an eyebrow, bemused, as he climbed in next to him. “This is the first time you’ve agreed to skipping without any arguing.” He suddenly grinned wide. “Ev! You’re finally turning to the dark side!”

Evan stared at him in amusement as he giggled. “Willingly skipping school one time can turn you to the dark side?”

Connor pulled him close, leaning more into the couch. :”Baby steps, Evan, baby steps... who knows, with enough no fucks given, you’d turn into a dark and edgy brooding image like me!”

Evan snorted and his his face in his boyfriend’s shirt as he laughed. “Connie, you’re literary the m-mushiest mush to ever mush. You’re the farthest thing from dark and edgy.” He lazily hugged Connor. Connor hugged back. “You’re a sap. Through and through.”

Connor hummed and moved so that Evan was in his lap and his back was against the armrest, his arms still squeezed around the boy. “You’re soft. Through and through.”

The boy nuzzled closer to the other, letting himself start to drift off. “I love you. “ Evan muttered sincerely.

“I love you, too.” Connor ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s dusty blonde hair. He mentally registered how he wanted a blanket to wrap around them right now.

Evan’s breathing was starting to even out. He murmured quietly. “Mushiest mush to ever mush...” Connor smiled, closing his eyes and relaxing more around Evan.

Nevermind, this was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I think you can tell I got lazy at the end. Anyways, thank you very very much for the feedback - kudos, bookmarks, especially comments (i'm really sorry that I don't reply to some). Also thank you to those who maybe subscribe (either on one of my works or even me myself), cause that doesn't show to me, but it means very much to me that you want to read more of my writing, so yeah. ;v; thank you all very much. (I probably sound brain dead and monotone right now, I'm sorry)


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